i guess i didn't blog about my last semester's results?
it's not satisfying really.. but enough for me to smoothly proceed with my plans
when i'm loading my results' page, i was so so nervous
my hands were literally shaking
i wasn't confident with most subjects
but my coursework marks weren't that low either
i thought i would fail at least one of the subjects
and i expected one of them would be able to cover for the failed one
but.. in the end...
i get an ALL PASS :) *not brave enough to put it in bold red color, something like a taboo*
my hands shook even harder
i jumped up and down 'cause this meant that i can go for my internship
i was so happy that i literally jumped the whole way to tell my mother
my mum actually cracked a smile when i told her the news
*mind you, she rarely smile; chloe is the only exception*
but when she knew my exact grade, she said it was not good enough
i should have get better than this "Don't have an A r?! Har?!"
my living motto is happy-go-lucky
as long as i passed all subjects
as long as i can go for my internship
as long as my plans are smooth
as long as i don't have to extend a freaking semester
i'm content with what i get :)
i'm easily satisfied
when my life is smooth, i'm happy and contented
i don't ask for much
but maybe deep down i still crave for a word of praise from my mother
i was her proud child once
i aced my primary classes
until i reached my secondary school
that's when my results started to drop drastically
maybe i'm not compatible with subjects that i don't like
but when i reached form5, i overheard her telling that i'm starting to work hard by my own
then only i realised she was actually caring for me in a way that was not shown
maybe i forgotten about it throughout the years
i wanted to join foundation after my SPM
she forced me to stay in form6
i HATE form6
i literally failed all the way through
i only passed my STPM *miraculously*
i was working in genting that time
and i started to know about my parents better
more like i suddenly woke up and cleared my mind
i accepted their ways of communicating
and i feel kinda supported throughout the 2 months in genting
freedom can wait, but i am staying put for dad
this was my past blog on my genting life
it's in chinese though
but i wrote how i felt and what i roughly understood after all these years as a rebellious child
when i joined university, i fell hard during the first semester
i dreaded to go back to my university
i was so afraid, i didn't want to fact the cruel reality
but i had to face everything
my results fluctuated throughout my course of study
sometimes were good, sometimes were bad
until the very bad situation happened again
my parents asked me whether i should continue my studies
maybe i should go out to work
but to tell the truth.. i never thought of giving up my studies
maybe i was lazy, i procrastinated, i failed badly
but i never thought of giving up
my thought was "well, failed.. study again lor"
i didn't cry over the spilled milk and i don't know whether is this a good thing
my brother gave me the serious look and decided to support my financial status
i told him i still wanted to study, i'm not giving up
well... after that i managed to get through 2 semesters smoothly
i hope it's not a curse or something
my results fluctuated with kind of a trend
when it is fine enough, it'll drop *TOUCH WOOD*
i seriously do not hope to extend my study time any further
i got a fine enough result for last semester
and since my mum didn't say much
actually she did nagged me from the release time until i came back to uni
i didn't expect her to be satisfied with my results
i've forgotten that she's that kind of person that will not admit her feelings
when both of them did not refuse my request ro change my handphone
i was quite surprised, but of course i'm very happy too
i posted in facebook that my father promised to buy me a new one once i finished my exams
my cousin commented my father was actually pleased to see me passing all the subjects
i was SHOCKED! i didn't realise that
my cousin sister said they had a discussion about my study when they met up
after all the blaming, they actually wanted to change, especially my mum
i strongly suspect that my aunt washed their brains...
although i don't know how long this may lasts
still i appreciate the effort of them wanting to be better parents for me
and i totally did not expect that my mum will actually approve of my results
and i burst into tears after that
sorry to be that sensitive, and my friend called me stupid to cry
*they meant well*
i was really in shock, took me a few minutes to recover
when i told my friends the story, i was choked in tears
i'm thankful for my cousin sister for letting me realise that
although i yearn for a word of praise or recognition from my mother
staying this way will do :)
we have been through so many years with this kind of communication style
a sudden change might throw it off balance
not to say that i do not appreciate
just that i know your effort to do so, and i hope you just be at ease of how you are
i'm familiar with your personality apparently :P
and i still love my cute parents no matter how much we argued in the past
no matter how much i complained about both of you
i would not trade for anything else in this world
you are the one who made me how i am now
i did not stray from the right path
i may fall and you may not know how to give me support
but to know that you're still at my back is a good reason enough for me to climb back up
i won't be saying this to your face
i'm not good at expressing
but i do love you a lot, papa and mummy
I LOVE YOU <3
