random rant

i don't normally blog about my feelings
too public and i don't SHARE
i mean it, i don't normally share my feelings
unless you're a friend really close to me and i feel comfortable with you enough to tell you
i enjoy girls' talk, pillow talk, or whatever that brings us together :)
i enjoy outings with friends
i enjoy moments with friends
i don't mind being alone in my room having my own sweet time
but that doesn't mean i'm a quiet, closed-up person
i don't mind being crazy with my friends, i can be the craziest if i want to
but that doesn't mean i'm really such an outgoing, happy-go-lucky girl
maybe i look strong enough, or maybe i look optimistic enough
hey, should i put up a sign that i can actually cry?
i know that crying is not a weak sign
but do you enjoy letting people see you cry?
sorry to admit but i do cry, hundreds and thousands of times
i can cry over a very simple matter
books, dramas, arguments
am i crazy to cry over such teeny-weeny small matters?
i'm quite temperamental you know?
i'm not as strong as you see i am
but what choice do i have?
i'm wearing this mask like since years ago
i learnt not to show sadness on my face
i learnt to keep secrets
i learnt that if i'm happy, or at least i look happy, people around me tend to get happy too
i learnt to let go
why keep something so painful? move on girl, people never look back
one of the reasons of me being cold maybe?
maybe you think it's fine to treat me like this
but let me remind you, i'm pampered and spoiled as the only and youngest girl in my family
i'm a little baby girl! i cry, i pout, i have tempers
but how you see me has become my mask
i'm strong? fine! i don't cry? fine! i love to gossip? fine! i go crazy anyplace anytime? fine!
i'm strong enough to let you play with my feelings? FINE! a big big fine!!!
do i look easy enough for you? or do i look like a toy to you?
or am i just one of your many options?
i don't normally block people out from my world
but eventually i learnt to do so, by hard experience
please, go on with your attitude or whatever you're on to
enjoy getting close to someone and ditch them later on
i don't show, doesn't mean that i don't mind
i'm not a puppy hanging on your every word
innuendos don't work, and i'm tired of guessing
my tempers are damn bad, but lucky for you, i don't show them anymore

i have tempers, and a real bad one exists
guess i inherit it from my parents, since both of them have the same as mine
i used to let go of my temper a lot during secondary school
primary is even worse... i'm quite a spoiled child that time
but hey, i tried to control it every single time, and i'm still learning to do so
people don't normally get to my bad side
since i don't look like an easy person for you to get away with
but someone tends to be stupid and offends me greatly
but i don't really care anymore
i move on, leaving you behind grabbing on to your little grudge
i don't really need you in my life
or truthfully, you cause a mess in my life
guess that's a big statement, maybe i should just say you cause a mess in certain matters
do you enjoy holding grudges? i guess you do
do you enjoy showing faces? i guess you do too
do you enjoy troubling others? i guess you think it is natural for you to do so
but well... since that you're not important to me
i decided not to slap you in your face to wake you up
live your own life, live it happily!
as long as you keep out from my boundaries, i'll keep my hands behind me
but beware though, i can be really bitchy
sarcastic comments, ignoring your entire existence
i can do much more than that, but i don't normally be a bitch
why don't you wake up, wipe off those stamps stuck to your eyes
and start to see this world, world that doesn't welcome people like you
you'll suffer, or should i say you suffered
past experiences didn't give you any lesson? WOW
guess you think that you are always the right one huh?
so... whatever, just don't try to annoy me

two different feelings in one post? i am ranting
don't feel serious, i'm just blabbering around
i need to get things off my mind sometimes
i'm feeling a bit like suffocated here
i want to go somewhere to relax my mind
but can't find a place
stuck here and face chapters after chapters
well... I'M BORED!!! :P goodnight!